This was first brought to my attention about a year ago by a counsellor we were trying on for size, who informed us of the five love languages:
Words of affirmation
Quality time
Receiving gifts
Acts of service
Physical touch
and asked us to rank them in order of importance. 1,2,3,4,5 for me was 5,4,3,2,1 for Mr. Me.
Brilliant. What we've got here is failure to communicate...
Armed with this knowledge we set to trying to learn each other's languages. It's a two way street, too; one of us can't just learn the other's language and expect everything to be okay, because the other person will lose a part of themselves in the process.
Sometimes we remember; sometimes we don't.
This morning we didn't. Oh, he didn't do anything objectively wrong... merely facilitated my sleeping until 8.30am, had pancakes made when I got up then organised to take the kids to the park leaving me alone for the morning. Problem is, I don't notice these as things to be grateful for. Problem is, stuff like this rather annoys me. Heck, if he'd brought the pancakes into the bedroom I'd have seethed!
Of course he was upset that I wasn't grateful. I was resentful that he had decided my preferences for me.
I think I'm fairly easily pleased. All I want is a cuddle and kiss whenever we pass each other in the hallway, but that's not easy for him. Physical touch is the lowest on his list and the definite winner for me. For me, acts of service falls well down the bottom, only slightly above receiving gifts and there's a huge gap between those two and the others. But acts of service are his number one, go-to thing. I feel disempowered by them. Indebted.
We speak different languages.
By fine coincidence, last night, in effort to wind down before sleep, I grabbed the closest book to the bed. It happened to be The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, which Mr. Me had borrowed from the library a couple of weeks earlier.
By fine coincidence, it was fresh in my mind that the big lug speaks a different language to me. We got through the perceived insults much faster than usual.
I still don't really understand his language and it baffles me how he could misunderstand such a simple, low maintenance language as I have, yet there it is:
Words of affirmation
Quality time
Receiving gifts
Acts of service
Physical touch
Our reason for feeling unloved and unappreciated while swimming in the stuff.
What's your love language? Is it different to your significant other, or family members or children?
You can take a quick quiz here to find out if you're unsure.
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